The Things I Say... to Myself

Shortly after 5:00 a.m. (that is in the morning, people) my alarm went off. Ah, stretch, take a deep breath, throw my alarm across the room, open my eyes because everything is dark - wait, all is dark because there is no sun this early, and sit on my bed while I try to remember why my alarm went off at this ungodly time in the morning. This was my process this morning. It was while I was sitting there in the dark (even my dogs weren't stirring) remembering I was going to tackle my 4 mile training run before work when I heard it. The unmistakable sound of giant sized raindrops hitting my roof and clunking on the ground. Now, I can run in the dark. I can run in the rain. But did I really have it in me to run in the dark AND the rain? The angel (or was it Connie - my fearless Learn to Run leader?) on my shoulder was saying, "You can do it! I know you can." Meanwhile, the devil who was perched on my other shoulder... the voice I usually listen to... was saying, "Kill that angel bitch and crawl back into bed. You can sleep for another hour and when you wake up it will be light outside. Sleep lady, sleep!" With one leg back underneath the covers I seriously contemplated listening to the evil voice. A warm, cozy bed sounded so much better than pounding my feet against the pavement outside. But I didn't give in. I stood up, got my gear on, send out a quick Facebook message into cyber space complaining about my fate, and told my dogs I loved them too much to take them out in this crappy weather.

Out the door I went. I made it to the end on my block (about 50 feet) when I realized I forgot to take a hit off of my inhaler before heading out the door. I stood there frozen with fear for a few seconds. Do I turn around and grab my inhaler? Do I keep going and concentrate on my breathing? Since I started running a year ago, I have never ventured out without using my inhaler. But I decided to throw caution to the wind (and there was plenty of wind) and try to run without it. If I went back to the house to get it, I wasn't sure I would leave again. And if I started to run and couldn't breathe, I would just stop and walk the 4 miles. Off I went... in the dark, rainy morning without my crutch... my inhaler. I am happy to say, I made it the four miles. I didn't stop, I didn't walk, I didn't die, and  I could  breathe. Ah, to think I almost stayed in bed.

8 Miles!

Yesterday I went 8 miles. 8 freakin' miles! The longest I have ever run before this is a 10k (6.2 miles). From here on out, every long run I have will be a milestone. Which means every Saturday night I will be thinking to myself, "How in the hell am I going to be able to run that far?" But before I start having minor anxiety attacks about that mileage to come, let me step back and revel in what I just accomplished – 8 miles!

Here is what I have learned while running 8 miles:

1) Good music on my iPod can get me through some moments of serious self-doubt.

2) I need to re-fuel around mile 4; otherwise I am going to crash around mile 5... this is when I start strolling. Strolling people – not even walking. I stroll and look at the trees.  My legs are strong. My lungs are strong. There is no reason for me to stroll. Need to remember to re-fuel.

3) Go with my first instincts when picking a trail. I ended up running down a hill, walking back up it, pausing at the top, going down another trail only to realize that I picked the right trail the first time.

4) Running down hills covered with rocks is fun! I mean it – I really like it. To me it is a big puzzle... where do I put my foot next? However, as fun as it is... I shouldn't hold my breath while doing it. This just makes it harder when I get done with the hill. Breathing is good... don't forget to do it.

5) At the end of the day... who cares how I got to the end of those 8 miles? I did it and I finished with a smile on my face... that is all that matters.

I Choose to Run

OK, so I haven't been great about contributing to this new blog. I think about things to write while I am running, but never actually sit down and write it. Why? Well, the truth is I have been a little frustrated with running. My relationship with running is very love/hate and lately I have been on the hate side.  Quite simply, running has annoyed me lately. As I watch my friends get faster, I seem to be getting slower.... seriously – I am getting significantly slower! At the end of a long run, everyone is smiling and joking and I want to throw my water bottle, shoes, iPod... whatever I can get my hands on, at their shiny happy faces (but I don't – so stop gasping in disgust).  Because for me... running is hard. Really hard! And yes, I know it is hard for everyone... but I can't see beyond my own little bubble. The only thing I like about running right now is telling people how far/often I run. Yet, as much as I have disliked this sport over the past few weeks, I religiously followed my training program and I ran.  And this morning as I was trying to untangle myself from my dog's leashes and the garbage can we collided with – it hit me! I ran! Even on a day I wanted to stay in bed, I chose to run. There wasn't anyone or anything making me get out of bed, put on my dirty Brooks and head out the door for a three mile run – but I still did it. My dogs, while they thoroughly enjoyed the run, would have been just as content to curl up in a lazy heap on top of my bed. But there I was, disengaging myself from dog leashes and garbage cans because I chose to run.  This was my ah-ha moment.  

Running is a choice.

The days when I run and am not concerned about overall time, pace and any number of terms I had never heard of before "training" – those days are great. Those are the days when I love running. So from here on out I am going to strive to take that attitude with me on all of my runs. After all, running is something I choose to do – why not love it?  

P.S. I signed up for BendFit – a marathon training group.

I am a runner... I think

How did this happen? One year ago I signed up for a Learn to Run clinic offered by my local running store, The FootZone, and now I am training for my first 1/2 marathon and full marathon. So again, I ask, how did this happen?


Let me back up a little. When I first signed up for the Learn to Run clinic, my running regime existed of running from my car to my house if it was raining. I am not exaggerating people! On the first day of the 8-week clinic I could run just over a minute and then was forced to walk. It was embarrassing and humbling, but I came back the next week and every week after. By the end of the clinic I was able to run my first 5k without stopping. I am not saying I posted record speeds, but I did it without stopping. I was thrilled. I was proud of myself. I was a runner.


Fast forward almost a year, a couple of 5k's, one 10k, and three Learn to Run clinics later. Now I am training for The Dirty Half, a trail 1/2 marathon, in June and the Portland Marathon in October. And quite honestly... I think I have lost my mind! I am not even sure I have it in me to do these things. This brings me to the purpose of this blog.


My goal is to write down my triumphs and my uncertainties as I train for these two events. Through these postings I hope to finally find out why I am attracted to this thing the scares me so much. Also, it is my goal to share the stories of other "real" runners. After all, I seem to grill everyone I meet who has ever run a 10k, 1/2 marathon, marathon, or ultra marathon. Maybe I should put it to good use and share their stories. After all, it is these stories that have inspired me to run... something I never thought I would do.